I Can Sing A Rainbow…

In the not-too-distant past, I was late to the game in being alerted to the existence of one fantastic specimen of clothing. Allow me to introduce to you the one and only UNIF Crayola Sweater…

(I think she may be a little shy…wicked dye job, though. And big up to the leather backpack. Job well done.)

The second I laid eyes on it, I simply had to have it. The burning desire consumed me day and night. I simply could not rest until it tickled my tingling skin. You know what they say…a little colour never killed nobody. It has come close multiple times…but never really succeeded.

Unfortunately, with a price tag of $88 (excluding shipping charges), this glorious sweater was simply out of my reach. My dreams were shattered. That is…until now.

Yes, my pretties…I TOO NOW POSSESS THE CRAYOLA SWEATER. I TOO NOW LOOK LIKE A MORBIDLY TOO-COOL-FOR-SMILES UNIF MODEL.

Mirror cameo from mi madre…

Well. Close enough.

Naturally, I had an innate desire to Goth-up this little rainbow number for fear of leaving the house resembling one of the school children from Matilda (1996). A grey woollen turtleneck, some leather-look skinnies and a pair of Oxblood Dr. Martens later and HEY PRESTO…I still looked like one of the school children from Matilda but I felt pretty hella rad. So I simply had to share my joy with the readers of my bloggy-wog. I would like to thank the Academy for allowing me the opportunity to buy this marvellous sweater, as well as the Urban Outfitters sale and my employee discount.

However, rather unfortunately for my purse, I now have the UNIF bug. I SIMPLY CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF THIS BRAND.

From the adorable Bound Creepers…

To the Poodle Moto coat…

And not to mention this Lydia Dress…

THEY EVEN DO TEENY-WEENY PUNKY CLOTHES FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE LIKE REAL HUMANS ONLY SMALLER.

Needless to say, I can practically hear the sobs of my poor purse crying from the depths of my handbag as I type. Ah well. As this insanely awesome UNIF t-shirt says…

Au revoir, me hearties!

-Niamhy xx

Spotlight On THE WHITEPEPPER!

In the not-too-distant past (literally about three days ago), I began to notice a trend forming amongst the people I follow on Instagram. Suddenly, everyone was posting perfectly filtered photographs of themselves in adorable little vintage-inspired outfits, each photo accompanied by the Insta-tag #TWPIveBeenNaughty. Naturally, I was curious. Naturally, I wanted to decipher this cryptic code. And naturally, I found the source of this foreign tongue.

And that source was the London-based online fashion brand THE WHITEPEPPER.

What started out as a meagre Tumblr blog soon developed into an online store, and now the brand stocks concessions in the likes of ASOS, Topshop and my very own Urban Outfitters. It truly is a Cinderella-esque rags-to-riches story.

If I am completely honest, a lot of the designs on the site are a little too sweet and kitschy for my rebellious self, nevertheless I absolutely adore the cutesy tea dresses and vintage sweaters. However, I was rather pleasantly surprised by how head-over-heels in love I fell with some of the more sinister, gothic-chic items, which I could definitely see gracing the Narnia caverns of my wardrobe sometime soon (including one particular accessory which I highly doubt I can live without from this moment onwards).

So, without further ado, here are the top five items from the cherubic brand THE WHITEPEPPER…

1) The Sleeveless Velvet Layer Smock Dress

One can never have too many LBDs. And how fetching is this delightful little number? I’m a sucker for a turtleneck but the naked arms add a touch of allure to the otherwise rather conservative dress, whilst the black velvet and the net frill detail at the hem adds a touch of elegance and glamour. The perfect Christmas party dress if you ask me. So get your (ice)skates on before the festive season is beyond us and you’ve missed your chance!

2) Hologram Angular Lace Up Brogue

Masculine shoe shape? Check. Sci-fi-perfect holographic upper? Check. Whacky heel? Check. Tell me, what is not to love about these eye-catching shoes? Dressed up with a feminine shift dress or dressed down with some bobby socks and a pair of mom jeans, these would be the ideal addition to the alternative shoe closet.

3) Limited Edition Stripe Frill Hem Knit Jumper Dress 

Although no longer available in black on the website (the navy and teal is still pretty fab), I couldn’t possibly write this post without including this little number. Did someone say ‘Twin Peaks’? Words cannot possibly convey how much I long to don this ensemble and dance around in my socks, pretending I’m Audrey Horne swooning along to some ‘dreamy’ music in the Double R Diner…sigh…

4) Oversized Teddy Coat

This would be an absolutely heavenly companion on this night of sub-zero temperatures. It’s the sort of jacket that once you see it on a person, you simply have to hug the wearer. That is, if the wearer can spare a second to stop hugging themselves. It is just one cuddly, cosy, snuggly, lovable, carressible, warm…wait, where am I going with this again?

And last but not least, my ultimate favorito…

5) Textured Faux Fur Shoulder Bag

This would be the perfect final touch to the perfect fictional outfit I have concocted in my mind’s eye for my birthday in January. Therefore, I must have it. There can be no debate. There can be no deliberation. There can be no question about it. I. MUST. HAVE. IT. That is all.

Honestly, this list could have gone for quite a while longer but that’s no matter-tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther…wait. That’s the coda of The Great Gatsby. I have no idea how to finish blog posts. Can I not just let F. Scott Fitzgerald do it for me? I’m away. Bye-bye.

-Niamhy xx

Let’s Talk About THAT Dior Ad…

Could this be Dior’s greatest marketing ploy to date?

You know the name.

You know the face.

You know the song.

And now you know the brand and its product.

Congratulations, Dior. A gold star for effort and buckets of gold reserves in the bank as a result of this masterpiece of advertising.

I must not tell a lie; I was making my Sunday commute to work when my mother sent me a frantic, hysterical text message excitedly telling me of how she had just witnessed this advert for the first time way, way back in that glorious month of August. And do you know what was the most astonishing aspect of this tale? Mi madre was able to recall EVERY SINGLE MINUSCULE DETAIL about this two minutes of sheer brilliance. This is from a woman who constantly walks into rooms and forgets why she is even there to begin with. That’s how you know you’ve done a commendable job of advertising.

I must not tell another lie; as soon as I read my mother’s (rather hilarious) texts, I immediately made a pit-stop at YouTube and went on the search for the Holy Grail of advertising. And this one minute forty-five second advert turned into fifteen minutes of ogling the startlingly handsome Mr. Pattinson.

From the very first glimpse of his casual lounging on a rooftop in the blazing sun to that final smouldering glare into my soul, I was sold. And don’t even get me started on the smoking (fully-dressed) in the bathtub. By gad. Gee golly. Holy heart failure, Batman! A round of applause to the stylists on the set, without whom none of this seething gorgeousness would undeniably be possible. Mod suits galore!

But of course, this advertisement would not be so brilliant without the magnificent song styling of Led Zeppelin and the fabulously rocking ‘Whole Lotta Love’. It just completes the package in a way that no other song ever could. Perfection, perfection, perfection.

To conclude, I want to address all the men of the world and say…go out and purchase some Dior Homme. If it makes you even half as alluring as Sir Pattinson, it will be money well spent.

-Niamhy xx

Knights (or Knightesses?) in Knitwear Armour…

If there’s one thing that those biting winter solstice nights call for, it is some radical witchy knitwear. And no-one does Gothic knitwear quite like Maude Nibelungen.

I would be downplaying my obsession to say that I simply loved this lady’s work. I would give arms, legs, vital organs to own a piece of this crocheted artistry! Unfortunately, as a mere young’un, it is quite impossible for me to afford one of these masterpieces and the prices of such works of visual beauty are completely justified. The biography that the online store offers of the designer herself is completely fascinating, citing influences in her designs such as her knowledge of History and the Anthropology of Religion, as well as her keen interest in the more ‘surreal’ aspects of human nature. To be completely honest, I think I want to be the woman’s best friend. I think we should meet up for coffee sometime. I’ll pay.

Now, I know you are all positively gagging for a little sneaky peek at some of the items the website has to offer. Well, here are my top three key pieces which I think completely epitomise ethereal Wiccan fashion. If any of my lovely readers are feeling extra generous, you might make a note of these and send me a little Secret Santa surprise…’tis nearly the season to be jolly after all.

1) The Cocoon Sweater 

This is possibly my ultimate favourite piece. There are absolutely no faults with this item of clothing. It is completely flawless. The cocoon shape. The large looped stitch. The hood. The slouched shoulders. The drowning sleeves. It is completely perfect. And I am completely in awe. It is actually physically paining me to look at it and not have it envelope my body. I need to tear my eyes away from it. I can’t bear it any longer. I’m gone.

2) The Off White Sweater

Every Goth needs a pop of (off) white in their wardrobe to make the ultimate fashion statement. And I think this jumper is a must. The almost ‘unfinished’ quality of the loose draping threads which dangle from the hem add a rough edge to the piece whilst still managing to maintain an air of elegance and surreal allure. I don’t know about you but looking at this jumper makes me immediately want to pull it over my head and stand in an open field, embracing some gale-force winds. Oh. Just me? Okay. No problem.

3) Collaboration with Ovate

Okay, okay, I may have told a dirty little fib when I said three key pieces because technically this is an entire collection. But the collaboration between Maude Nibelungen and Ovate (another brand which I completely ADORE  and which will undoubtedly make more appearances on this blog in the very near future) is literally sonnet-worthy. I can’t even pick just one stand-out item from the bunch…they are all too stunningly gorgeous! Therefore, I felt it was only just that I mentioned it. Even if I’m not entirely sure if these items are still for sale. But still. How could I refuse to have the glorious specimen of a cape which takes pride of place above grace this unworthy fashion blog?

To conclude, I suppose this post is both an adoration of Maude Nibelungen’s awesome craftsmanship as well as a plea for anyone with some spare dolla to help a needy girl and kit her out with some spine-tinglingly beautiful knitwear for the impending winter nights. God loves a trier.

-Niamhy xx

An Ode To Dita

As I previously stated, I am basically wandering aimlessly through this world of fashion blogging, so I dare say that this style of post will soon evolve into a feature along the lines of ‘Style Icon of the Week’ but we shall cross that ivy-suffocated burning bridge when we come to it. Anyway, let’s get to it…

Burlesque star. Pin-up model. Fashion designer. Business woman. Actual superhero. The classiest, most glamorous, most alluring woman to ever exist. Who else would have a list of accolades this lengthy? It can only be one person. This, ladies and gentlemen, is my ode to Dita Von Teese.

Sigh.

There are simply no words to convey the envy I feel for this lady. She has it all. Everything that makes her ‘perfect’ in the Gothic style stakes. Actually, she has so many wonderful attributes that contribute to her distinctly Gothic image that I couldn’t even begin to list them. But I’m sure as hell going to try.

1) Her flawless skin.

This is possibly the greatest item of anguish for me that Ms. Dita possesses. She is (metaphorically) a porcelain doll. She has the skin of a newly-birthed blanket of midnight Christmas snow. And you know it must be something grand because I literally just wrote a poem about it in that sentence.

2) The perfect pin-up hourglass figure.

Sometimes I find myself staring at images upon images of Dita with one question whirling around my mind…HOW? Surely a figure like that defies every law of science. This woman defies all of the laws of science.

3) She works a tuxedo better than any man ever could.

Dita Von Teese: forever making fashion statements which scream, “Sisters are doing it for themselves!” (You will soon learn that women in menswear is my favourite thing ever.)

4) She has a vintage wardrobe to positively DIE for (just keeping it Goth).

Von Teese is one of those life-ruining people who still somehow manages to be breathtakingly beautiful doing the most human tasks. Bringing out the bins. Walking the dog. Posting a letter. SHE ALWAYS LOOKS LIKE A STARLET. She struts around in those Louboutins like they are ballet pumps. She takes no prisoners.

5) She wore the most killer purple dress when she married the Goth Dark Lord himself, Marilyn Manson.

Marriages fade. The perfect dress lasts forever.

And if I hadn’t made it crystal clear enough yet that Dita Von Teese is the most perfect person to ever grace this planet, she is an avid supporter of the charity PETA, whilst also raising awareness of AIDS and campaigning for women’s rights. Should we just drop everything and build a shrine to her right now?

Dita has no need to fear falling downstairs…the stairs build themselves around her…

If there are any readers left who I haven’t scared off by my uncontrollable gushing about Queen Dita, I bid you a fond farewell and hope to speak to you soon. Over and out!

Niamhy xx