Happy Valentine’s Day from High Priestess Fashion!

As an eternal singleton, I thought, “What better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day on my little bloggy-wog than to do what I do best…and create a list of my tippy-toppy heartthrobs?” And I mean all of them. The weird AND the wonderful. EVERY. LAST. ONE. There are no secrets over here. Let the fun begin…

NB-I am going to try my best not to include any of the glorious males featured in my best dressed men post from a few weeks back. But that might be very difficult to me. So I shan’t make any promises.

THE CONVENTIONAL

1) Dan Smith

If some miracle-worker approached me tomorrow and told me that I could choose one celebrity to carry around in my pocket for the rest of my life, this fella here would be number one choice, no questions asked. It would seem he’s just about the only person who is as obsessed with Twin Peaks is I am. And that’s gotta count for something, right? Plus he’s as cute as a button. There are no flaws here. None whatsoever. Oh, and did I mention he has the voice of a heavenly angel? I should also probably note I have been to every gig he’s ever performed in Belfast. Me? An obsessed fan? Never.

2) James McAvoy

I’ve been infatuated with this guy since the moment I laid eyes on his hairy hooves in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. Ten years later and not much has changed; he’s still as gorgeous and I’m still as infatuated. Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only James McAvoy: my first celebrity obsession. And it got me bad. It really did. Sigh…the memories…sweet, sweet youth…

3) Alex Turner

The ‘bad boy’ persona. The arrogance. The cheekiness. The accent. And those heartwrenching lyrics. These are the qualities that make up the man responsible for composing the soundtrack of my heartbreak, the painfully alluring Alex Turner. My dreams came true last summer when I finally had the opportunity to witness this glorious specimen perform live and…well…let’s just say it certainly was an intense experience. And now for the song which defined my late teenage years…

4) Eddie Redmayne

Hey, I did say I wasn’t making any promises! And how could I possibly exclude the man of the moment, the delightful Mr. Redmayne? JUST LOOK AT THOSE FRECKLES. I couldn’t resist. I simply couldn’t. My love is eternal.

5) James Blake

I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to anyone who has ever been subjected to my hyperactive babbling about how much I…ahem…appreciate this man and his music. I would like to apologise in particular to anyone has ever been subject to a detailed description in regards to one particular song of his. But really, Blakey, are you trying to kill me with this? Are you actually trying to kill me? (For anyone, James Blake’s I Am Sold is my favourite song in the history of the world and I am obsessed with it and I listen to it on loop like constantly but I mean, it is actually the most stunningly magnificent song ever written, like what is there not to love?)

THE UNCONVENTIONAL

1) Steven Patrick Morrissey

No surprises here then, am I right? Okey dokey. Moving swiftly on…

2) David Lynch

When I grow up, I want to be just like David Lynch. Scrap that; when I grow up, I want to BE David Lynch. Except female. I am completely and utterly in love with this absolute genius’ beautifully disturbing mind. Plus we share the same birthday. Obviously January 20th is the day for birthing creative excellence.

3) WB Yeats

A mermaid found a swimming lad, picked him for her own, pressed her body to his body, laughed; and plunging down forgot in cruel happiness that even lovers drown. Need I elaborate?

THE FICTIONAL 

1) Special Agent Dale Cooper

I too like Audrey Horne have a dream whereby a tall, dark and handsome stranger falls madly in love with me and takes me away to a life of mystery and international intrigue. It would seem that Agent Cooper’s only problem is that, in the immortal words of Audrey Horne once more, he simply is “too perfect”. I completely identify with my beloved Audrey because I am also totally besotted with My Special Agent. It certainly is wonderful and strange.

2) Dimitri from Anastasia (1997)

I understand how completely deranged this may seem but in my defence Dimitri was EXTREMELY well animated! Plus John Cusack’s voice is a major winner. So can you blame the four year old me for falling in love with this cartoon character after watching him teach Anastasia how to waltz? I maintain to this very day that good ol’ Dimitri is the reason I continue to have issues in the love department. He set my expectations at too great a level. The bar was raised far too high. I am destined for failure.

3) Duckie

TEAM DUCKIE ‘TIL I DIE. I highly doubt I will ever be able to forgive Andie for choosing Blaine over him. He lived to like her. He would’ve DIED for her. C’mon Andie, couldn’t you have just tried a little tenderness?

4) Fox Mulder

It would seem that I certainly have a ‘thing’ for fictional FBI agents. Seriously though, there is nothing more attractive than a man with a passion. Especially a passion for the extra-terrestrial. Add to that a strangely therapeutic monotonous drone of a speaking voice and a wicked collection of trench coats, and you’ve got Fox Mulder. What a droll cat he is.

I guess it’s time I gave up my chitter-chatter before I get too boisterous and bubbly and say something I will undoubtedly regret in the morning. But before I depart, I would like to leave you with a gloriously Gothic ballad of love on this Valentine’s Day. To all those in love, out of love, experiencing unrequited love or blissfully content whether part of a pair or riding solo, I wish you a happy Valentine’s weekend!

-Niamhy xx

And The Award For The Most Historically Accurate Costume Design Goes To…

THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING.

Anyone who knows me will vouch for the fact that I can be quite the snob in regards to anachronisms of historical accuracy in films. Especially when those anachronisms arrive in the form of the costume design. There is nothing I detest more than a historically inaccurate costume. Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra, anyone? (Spot the girl who voluntarily did work experience aged sixteen as a fashion curator at a local museum).

SERIOUSLY?!

Therefore, I felt it was my duty to take to my little baby blog to congratulate the costume designers of The Theory of Everything for doing such an excellent job of…well…costume designing. I’m not entirely certain whether or not the clothes employed in the film were sourced vintage items or reproductions but either way BRAVO!

From Jane Wilde’s (Felicity Jones) adorable pale blue evening gown for the Cambridge May Ball…

To her pitch perfect wedding dress…

And everything in between and after…

Well, let’s just say this fashion history geek gained vast amusement from attempting to pinpoint the era each scene was focusing on based solely upon the costumes. Judge me. I don’t care. It all just adds up to a massive pat on the back and round of applause for the costume team.

If anyone hasn’t seen the film yet, I have just one question for you: WHY NOT?! Get your act together, guys! It is quite literally a masterpiece. I cried, I laughed, I cried some more, had a nosebleed, cried a bit more…stunning. Eddie Redmayne is absolutely astounding in his role as Stephen Hawking. And that isn’t even me just being biased because of my…ahem…appreciation of his talents. He has come a long, long way from Angel Clare of Emminster. I’m like a proud mother. Furthermore, Ms. Jones offers a heartbreaking portrayal of his hard-working wife. Once again, she has come a long, long way from the oh-so-naive Catherine Morland in Northanger Abbey. (Why must everything I speak of revert back to period dramas?) So seriously, I don’t understand why you’re still reading this post-GET THEE TO A CINEMA!

I’ll finish up by sending a gargantuan GOOD LUCK to all those involved at the Golden Globes. C’MON, THE REDMAYNE! AND THE JONES!

-Niamhy xx

Working Post-Christmas Sales In Retail

As a student, I work part-time in retail.

December is nearing its finale. Therefore, over the past few weeks I have been working Christmas in retail. And Christmas in retail means only one thing: CHRISTMAS SHOPPERS. And the dawn of December 26th means only one thing: BOXING DAY SALES.

Needless to say, I love my job. And part of loving my job involves the enjoyment, fulfilment and sense of satisfaction I gain from helping a customer find that perfect item which they covet so immensely.

HOWEVER…

I can honestly say that the past two shifts in my workplace have been two of the most physically, mentally and emotionally draining shifts I have ever experienced in my whole entire life. And I guess the reason I am informing you lovely people of my situation is that this thus acts as my reason for being pretty absent from the world of blogging of late. I’m not entirely sure anyone truly cares about my silence but I figured I would offer an explanation anyway.

I shall leave you all with this speedy little horror punk number which has been doing the rounds of the windmills of my mind for the past week. Goodness knows why. Don’t psychoanalyse me. This post should come with a parental advisory sticker.

Furthermore, I look forward to a quell in the madness of sale shopping and anticipate a return to normality in the very near future. And by normality, I mean this:

(This is actually the most accurate video I have ever seen in my whole entire life.)

Adios, amigos!

-Niamhy xx

How To Goth Up The Festive Season’s Go-To Sequinned Mini!

The struggle is real. The struggle of the Goth girl trying to maintain the courage of her convictions yet attempting to not look too morbid to be confused for attending a close relative’s funeral when, in actual fact, she is actually about to attend the party of the year: the work Christmas party. As I said: THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.

It would seem that this Christmas’ must-have party item is the sequinned mini. It is the ultimate statement piece. Everywhere you go, there they are, frolicking the night (and their life…and their heels) away in the middle of the dancefloor: the personified disco balls. The very definition of garishness.

Having previously been an avid defender of simplicity and hater of the all-over glitter sensation that is AW14’s sequinned mini, I must admit, over the past week I have begun to grow a little jealous. I must admit, over the past week I have begun to desire a dress which captures every glimmer of light as a shimmy away in a vodka-induced frenzy. I must admit, over the past week I have begun to covet a sequinned mini.

And so, the search began. The ultimate search. The search for the Holy Grail of Autumn-Winter 2014.

Thus, here lies the final resting place of my conclusion. After a week of ceaseless scouring, I have decided upon my top five statement dresses suitable for the Goth girl unwilling to conform to the layman’s vision of mainstream normality (all of which I rather conveniently found on ASOS). Let us begin…

1) Sequin Swing Dress with Collar and Cuffs

Wednesday Addams called. She wants her dress back.

2) Motel Sally Mae T-Shirt Dress in All Over Sequin

The Little Mermaid called. She wants her dress back.

3) Goldie Outsider Dress With Sequin Detail

Tinkerbell called. She wants her dress back.

4) ASOS Premium Sequin Mini Dress

Poison Ivy called. She wants her dress back.

5) Little White Lies Sequin T-Shirt Dress With Mesh Back

Dear reader, you’ll be glad to hear that my comparisons have run dry. This dress is yours. You can keep this one.

Of course, no outfit is complete without the perfect statement accessories. However, considering the vitality of these wicked dresses, I would recommend keeping your decorative trinkets as simplistic as possible. You don’t want to be giving any acquaintances a migraine simply because they dared to stare. I’m loving:

1) ASOS PATCH IT UP Platforms

Nothing completes an outfit more than a pair of velvet burlesque heels, I’ll tell you that for free.

2) Plastic Clutch Bag

 

Back-to-school meets Gothic chic.

And the finishing touch. The icing on the cake. Actually, the cherry on top of the icing…

3) Urbancode Faux Fur Coat

You know what? My parents have spent a lot of time complaining about the fact that I haven’t indicated what I would fancy for Christmas. Perhaps I should just direct them to this blog. Now, that’s an idea.

Tally-ho, folks!

-Niamhy xx

Spotlight On THE WHITEPEPPER!

In the not-too-distant past (literally about three days ago), I began to notice a trend forming amongst the people I follow on Instagram. Suddenly, everyone was posting perfectly filtered photographs of themselves in adorable little vintage-inspired outfits, each photo accompanied by the Insta-tag #TWPIveBeenNaughty. Naturally, I was curious. Naturally, I wanted to decipher this cryptic code. And naturally, I found the source of this foreign tongue.

And that source was the London-based online fashion brand THE WHITEPEPPER.

What started out as a meagre Tumblr blog soon developed into an online store, and now the brand stocks concessions in the likes of ASOS, Topshop and my very own Urban Outfitters. It truly is a Cinderella-esque rags-to-riches story.

If I am completely honest, a lot of the designs on the site are a little too sweet and kitschy for my rebellious self, nevertheless I absolutely adore the cutesy tea dresses and vintage sweaters. However, I was rather pleasantly surprised by how head-over-heels in love I fell with some of the more sinister, gothic-chic items, which I could definitely see gracing the Narnia caverns of my wardrobe sometime soon (including one particular accessory which I highly doubt I can live without from this moment onwards).

So, without further ado, here are the top five items from the cherubic brand THE WHITEPEPPER…

1) The Sleeveless Velvet Layer Smock Dress

One can never have too many LBDs. And how fetching is this delightful little number? I’m a sucker for a turtleneck but the naked arms add a touch of allure to the otherwise rather conservative dress, whilst the black velvet and the net frill detail at the hem adds a touch of elegance and glamour. The perfect Christmas party dress if you ask me. So get your (ice)skates on before the festive season is beyond us and you’ve missed your chance!

2) Hologram Angular Lace Up Brogue

Masculine shoe shape? Check. Sci-fi-perfect holographic upper? Check. Whacky heel? Check. Tell me, what is not to love about these eye-catching shoes? Dressed up with a feminine shift dress or dressed down with some bobby socks and a pair of mom jeans, these would be the ideal addition to the alternative shoe closet.

3) Limited Edition Stripe Frill Hem Knit Jumper Dress 

Although no longer available in black on the website (the navy and teal is still pretty fab), I couldn’t possibly write this post without including this little number. Did someone say ‘Twin Peaks’? Words cannot possibly convey how much I long to don this ensemble and dance around in my socks, pretending I’m Audrey Horne swooning along to some ‘dreamy’ music in the Double R Diner…sigh…

4) Oversized Teddy Coat

This would be an absolutely heavenly companion on this night of sub-zero temperatures. It’s the sort of jacket that once you see it on a person, you simply have to hug the wearer. That is, if the wearer can spare a second to stop hugging themselves. It is just one cuddly, cosy, snuggly, lovable, carressible, warm…wait, where am I going with this again?

And last but not least, my ultimate favorito…

5) Textured Faux Fur Shoulder Bag

This would be the perfect final touch to the perfect fictional outfit I have concocted in my mind’s eye for my birthday in January. Therefore, I must have it. There can be no debate. There can be no deliberation. There can be no question about it. I. MUST. HAVE. IT. That is all.

Honestly, this list could have gone for quite a while longer but that’s no matter-tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther…wait. That’s the coda of The Great Gatsby. I have no idea how to finish blog posts. Can I not just let F. Scott Fitzgerald do it for me? I’m away. Bye-bye.

-Niamhy xx

Let’s Talk About THAT Dior Ad…

Could this be Dior’s greatest marketing ploy to date?

You know the name.

You know the face.

You know the song.

And now you know the brand and its product.

Congratulations, Dior. A gold star for effort and buckets of gold reserves in the bank as a result of this masterpiece of advertising.

I must not tell a lie; I was making my Sunday commute to work when my mother sent me a frantic, hysterical text message excitedly telling me of how she had just witnessed this advert for the first time way, way back in that glorious month of August. And do you know what was the most astonishing aspect of this tale? Mi madre was able to recall EVERY SINGLE MINUSCULE DETAIL about this two minutes of sheer brilliance. This is from a woman who constantly walks into rooms and forgets why she is even there to begin with. That’s how you know you’ve done a commendable job of advertising.

I must not tell another lie; as soon as I read my mother’s (rather hilarious) texts, I immediately made a pit-stop at YouTube and went on the search for the Holy Grail of advertising. And this one minute forty-five second advert turned into fifteen minutes of ogling the startlingly handsome Mr. Pattinson.

From the very first glimpse of his casual lounging on a rooftop in the blazing sun to that final smouldering glare into my soul, I was sold. And don’t even get me started on the smoking (fully-dressed) in the bathtub. By gad. Gee golly. Holy heart failure, Batman! A round of applause to the stylists on the set, without whom none of this seething gorgeousness would undeniably be possible. Mod suits galore!

But of course, this advertisement would not be so brilliant without the magnificent song styling of Led Zeppelin and the fabulously rocking ‘Whole Lotta Love’. It just completes the package in a way that no other song ever could. Perfection, perfection, perfection.

To conclude, I want to address all the men of the world and say…go out and purchase some Dior Homme. If it makes you even half as alluring as Sir Pattinson, it will be money well spent.

-Niamhy xx

The Perfect Ten: The Ten Most Beautifully Flawless Women To Ever Grace This Planet…

…that is, in the humble opinion of The High Priestess.

Ladies and gentlemen, behold the icons of my idolatry. Darwin’s fittest females in accordance with the evolution of mankind. My Perfect Ten. It is time to unleash the green-eyed monster.

10) Edie Sedgwick

Andy Warhol’s muse and the only person who can wear those disgustingly extravagant earrings and not look like Pat Butcher (she somehow makes those mini-chandeliers look like the epitome of elegance): the glorious Ms. Sedgwick. Unfortunately, the wildness of the era and the whirlwind world of fast-paced youth got the better of our Edie and she sadly passed at the tender age of 28 in 1971. However, her memory lives on in the multitudes of stunning photographs of the superstar, Warhol’s films and Leddra Chapman’s haunting ode ‘Edie’ (please excuse the dodgy video). Long live the It Girl.

9) Siouxsie Sioux

The lead singer of Siouxsie and the Banshees, many (including myself) would claim that Siouxsie Sioux is the ultimate Queen of the Trad Goths…for obvious reasons. The androgynous style, the raven’s nest hair, the dramatic eye make-up; Siouxsie has it all, not to mention her stellar music! It’s official. Siouxsie is the perfect Gothic package.

(Excuse the profanity…you have been warned.)

8) Agyness Deyn

At one point in every girl’s life, she will lay eyes upon the one woman she aspires to look like. Her true style icon. For me, that woman is Agyness Deyn. I dare say anyone who knows me well would be willing to stand up in a court of law and proclaim that my obsession with Agy is unhealthy. Every night I pray that I wake up the next morning looking like her. She is the definition of flawless. I cannot even convey how much I want to be her. It’s not fair. Life is just not fair.

7) Annie Lennox

Is it becoming pretty evident that I have a mild infatuation with buzzcuts? Considering I often get called ‘Mini Annie Lennox’ by my colleagues, it would be completely unfathomable for me to exclude the gorgeous Annie from my list. As if her fashion sense (THOSE SUITS!), cracking hairstyles and angelic voice wasn’t enough to make you jealous, she has the personality of a saint and a delightful Scottish brogue. I love her. Especially in this music video.

6) Kat Von D

She is the woman who worked wonders for inked ladies all over the world, highlighting the power and beauty of tattooing and encouraging everyone to embrace their bodies as a human canvas. Not only is Kat Von D a magician with a needle and ink, she also has a killer fashion line (which I plan on doing a blog post on once the online shop is up and running again following a devastating fire) and a fabulous Gothic make-up range. With talents galore, it is impossible not to adore this masterpiece of a woman.

5) Twiggy

The Bambi eyes. The boyish figure. The pixie cut. The button nose. The pouting lips. Twiggy is my vision of idealistic beauty. She is the woman who made me fall in love with vintage fashion many, many moons ago and for that I am truly thankful. Thank you, Twiggy. I owe you big time.

4) Kate Bush

As if having outrageously brilliant talents for choreography, singing and song-writing isn’t enough, Kate Bush just had to throw in the fact that she is stunningly gorgeous and can work a tweed suit better than any Fleet Street businessman or Oxford English Literature lecturer ever could. She is also insanely intelligent and isn’t afraid to make controversial political statements (Army Dreamers, anyone?). In your face, Patriarchy. IN. YOUR. FACE. Altogether now: I’M COMING BACK NOW, CRUEL HEATHCLIFF, MY ONE DREAM, MY ONLY MAAAAAASTER!

3) Florence Welch

I fondly recall summer 2010 as the summer my best friend and I officially became infatuated with Florence + The Machine’s album Lungs. That was the beginning of our ongoing adoration of Ms. Welch. No matter what she is wearing, be it an ethereal evening gown or a suit made from what resembles cheap wallpaper from the 1980s, the lady never seems to put a fashionable foot out of place. And speaking of feet…Florence’s perfectly pedicured tootsies are also things to be envied. Yes. She is so immaculate that even HER FEET are perfect. Ugh. And if this song doesn’t make you shed the tears of a thousand lonely sunsets, you have a heart of stone I tell you.

2) Stevie Nicks

The White Witch herself. Stevie is just completely magical. Mystical. Spellbinding. It cannot be denied that the blood that courses through her veins sparkles with stardust. If you have ever travelled through the countryside of Ireland via train, listening to Stevie’s haunting vocals whilst the rain sends floods of teardrops cascading down the window pane, you will understand the power of this woman’s soul. It is to Nicks that I owe the deepest gratitude for encouraging me to embrace the fantastical world of the paranormal, the tarot…all things dark and enchanting. Thank you, beautiful, beautiful woman. You allowed me to be who I am.

1) Dita Von Teese

Um. Yeah. I don’t think I need to go into detail here. I think we all know. There is no need. Dita Von Teese. My sin. My soul. Oh, Dita, do me a favour and lend me your coat. I swear I’ll give it back. I promise.

So, if you haven’t all drifted into the Land of Nod having been completely bored to death by my nonsensical ravings, I thank you for your attention and your patience. Now, leave me to wallow in self-pity, self-loathing and jealousy. It’s going to take me a little while to get over this post. Too much perfection. Too much envy.

The green-eyed monster, over and out.

-Niamhy xx

Such Stuff As Dreams Are Made On…

I must not tell a lie. My reaction to the news that Ghost had collaborated with Urban Outfitters may have been uncalled for. It would not be an understatement to say that my facial expression was quite similar to that of a certain acclaimed Munch painting…

If, like me, you are prone to hibernating under a rock and hermit-ing your life away cocooned in a blanket with only gallons of Diet Coke and clichéd supernatural/crime/science fiction TV shows for company, allow me to strip everything down to the basics.

Urban Outfitters is the (rather controversial) clothing company who employs yours truly and is notorious for the onus of its focus being on retro, vintage and (dare I say it) ‘hipster’ styles. In case you didn’t know, this company really digs cats and pugs. And it is a pretty groovy company to be a part of… *cough* suck-up *cough*

Complimentary hipster meme…

Ghost is a London-based fashion house famous for modernising the classic biased cuts of evening dresses of yore, updating their designs each season but remaining faithful to their sole aim of maintaining the glamour of vintage occasion wear.

I would give away organs to own this dress…

So, I bet I can guess the question which currently resides in your minds…what happens when these two (significantly different) gametes fuse together to create a little fashion hybrid?

Well, here lies your answer:

Did I hear the word ‘chic’? If this is not the definition of the perfect LBD, I don’t know what is. Congratulations, Ghost and UO. You have managed to produce the perfect love-child. I hasten to add that the collection is actually affordable too, with the photographed satin slip dress being the most expensive piece in the collection standing at a reasonable £120. As us Belfastians say, you couldn’t be bad to it.

The Winnie midi satin slip dress in silver is currently on my wishlist. My somnolent musings wander to visions of me pairing this gorgeous item with my beloved purple velvet Dr. Martens and a black fur coat (faux, of course). It truly is such stuff as dreams are made on.

Niamh’s expectations of being a grunge princess:

Niamh’s reality: (Sorry Courtney, babes, this was a faux pas…)

So, I think a round of applause is in order for Urban Outfitters and Ghost for doing it right *claps* and I pray for many collaborations between the two companies in future. Over and out. I’m off to count the pennies in my piggy bank…

-Niamhy xx

An Ode To Dita

As I previously stated, I am basically wandering aimlessly through this world of fashion blogging, so I dare say that this style of post will soon evolve into a feature along the lines of ‘Style Icon of the Week’ but we shall cross that ivy-suffocated burning bridge when we come to it. Anyway, let’s get to it…

Burlesque star. Pin-up model. Fashion designer. Business woman. Actual superhero. The classiest, most glamorous, most alluring woman to ever exist. Who else would have a list of accolades this lengthy? It can only be one person. This, ladies and gentlemen, is my ode to Dita Von Teese.

Sigh.

There are simply no words to convey the envy I feel for this lady. She has it all. Everything that makes her ‘perfect’ in the Gothic style stakes. Actually, she has so many wonderful attributes that contribute to her distinctly Gothic image that I couldn’t even begin to list them. But I’m sure as hell going to try.

1) Her flawless skin.

This is possibly the greatest item of anguish for me that Ms. Dita possesses. She is (metaphorically) a porcelain doll. She has the skin of a newly-birthed blanket of midnight Christmas snow. And you know it must be something grand because I literally just wrote a poem about it in that sentence.

2) The perfect pin-up hourglass figure.

Sometimes I find myself staring at images upon images of Dita with one question whirling around my mind…HOW? Surely a figure like that defies every law of science. This woman defies all of the laws of science.

3) She works a tuxedo better than any man ever could.

Dita Von Teese: forever making fashion statements which scream, “Sisters are doing it for themselves!” (You will soon learn that women in menswear is my favourite thing ever.)

4) She has a vintage wardrobe to positively DIE for (just keeping it Goth).

Von Teese is one of those life-ruining people who still somehow manages to be breathtakingly beautiful doing the most human tasks. Bringing out the bins. Walking the dog. Posting a letter. SHE ALWAYS LOOKS LIKE A STARLET. She struts around in those Louboutins like they are ballet pumps. She takes no prisoners.

5) She wore the most killer purple dress when she married the Goth Dark Lord himself, Marilyn Manson.

Marriages fade. The perfect dress lasts forever.

And if I hadn’t made it crystal clear enough yet that Dita Von Teese is the most perfect person to ever grace this planet, she is an avid supporter of the charity PETA, whilst also raising awareness of AIDS and campaigning for women’s rights. Should we just drop everything and build a shrine to her right now?

Dita has no need to fear falling downstairs…the stairs build themselves around her…

If there are any readers left who I haven’t scared off by my uncontrollable gushing about Queen Dita, I bid you a fond farewell and hope to speak to you soon. Over and out!

Niamhy xx