A-Z Of Reasons To Recover: J Is For Justice

On this day, August 4th, exactly one year ago, I received my diagnosis of anorexia nervosa, restrictive type. Eight years of body-checking, excessive exercising and starvation, all boiled down to one moment of medical confirmation…and I saw mine and my family’s world fall down around us. What seemed like an endless dark tunnel, suffocating with reams of questionnaires and assessments and blood tests and therapy sessions and dietetic appointments and weigh-ins, lay ahead. Most of the time, I was pessimistic. Most of the time, I believed I would not succeed. Most of the time, I made decisions to pack it all in, to succumb to my eating disorder and let the vile creature who lives inside my head to kill me.

This was me then:

A hell of a lot can change in a year.

This is me now (excuse the goofy pose…it was supposed to represent ‘celebration’):

Here are some differences which may be detected by a trained and observant human eye. Firstly, I have learned to let go of the regimental buzzcut, a hairstyle I claimed was a product of my rebellion but which was, if I am being completely honest with myself, yet another one of my OCD attempts at control, my ability to have a completely even cut all over my head a symbol of my success at perfection. I have added quite a significant amount of ink to my body since this exact moment, namely a completely breathtaking stomach piece which encapsulates both the struggle and the beauty of anorexia recovery. Above all, I have just recently entered my healthy BMI range.

There is much more going on inside this butterfly body of mine. This summer, I have successfully left the house numerous times without a coat as I no longer feel I am going to die of hypothermia anytime my frail and decaying skin is attacked by the slightest of breeze. I have the pleasure of complaining about my rosy cheeks ruining my Gothic aesthetic once again. The whites of my eyes are actually white again and my teeth are also white and my nails are getting stronger. (Warning: TMI ahead.) Despite currently being 19 days late, I am happy to say that I have had five very painful and very normal periods.

What a lot of people fail to realise is that reaching a healthy BMI does not equate to being anorexia-free. We can’t have everything and many aspects of my health have not improved, nor are they likely to ever be the same again. I am still covered in downy hair which I am extremely self-conscious about. My osteoporosis makes it difficult for me to be quite as bonkers and carefree as I used to be. I am chronically fatigued. I am awaiting an appointment to get tested for arthritis, meaning I could possibly be officially a 90-year-old woman at the tender age of 19. It remains to be seen if I will be able to have children without complications. I’m not happy. Yet.

But this is not a day for focusing on the negatives. I would prefer to see this day as a celebration of what I have achieved. A year is not a long time, yet I feel I have come so far in my journey. This book is nowhere near its conclusion but I am proud of the little victories in this chapter. So I guess that all that’s left for me to do is address all of you warriors out there who are currently suffering and tell you that it is time to do yourself and your body the justice it deserves. Recovery is a long and winding and difficult road but you never know what beautiful future lies beyond.

-Niamhy xx

Meanwhile…

…

‘Is there anybody there?’ said the Traveller,   

Knocking on the moonlit door…

I can officially confirm that this blogger’s hiatus has reached its end. I have returned!

Undoubtedly to nothingness. Tumbleweed. There is probably no-one reading this. There is a high probability that my small but loyal readership has abandoned me just as I abandoned them…without a word…without a warning…without a second glance…come back…come back to me…reviens-moi…

It’s hard to believe that the last time I blogged was in the immediate aftermath of Oscar season-can it really have been that long? SHOCKING.

It’s June now. JUNE. WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?!

Nevertheless, instead of dwelling on the past and the reasons why I disappeared without a trace, allow me to pick up where I left off by doing what I do best: complaining about the multiple trials faced by the Goth population during the most dreaded of seasons. Yes, ladies and gentlemen…summer is officially upon us.

Over the next few days/weeks/months (this is subject to change considering my faltering ability to stay awake for more than two consecutive hours in my current bodily state-more to follow), I plan to explore and attempt to solve the many problems faced by those who are hermetically sealed to their black turtlenecks (ie-me) in the sunniest and warmest of climes, from finding appropriate Gothic swimwear for that otherwise perfect beach holiday to mastering the art of summer layering. This joyous season needn’t be a chore!

Let’s get this bloggy-wog back to its bouncing, boisterous, ACTIVE self! Speak to you all again very, very, very soon! I PROMISE!

-Niamhy xx

I Can Sing A Rainbow…

In the not-too-distant past, I was late to the game in being alerted to the existence of one fantastic specimen of clothing. Allow me to introduce to you the one and only UNIF Crayola Sweater…

(I think she may be a little shy…wicked dye job, though. And big up to the leather backpack. Job well done.)

The second I laid eyes on it, I simply had to have it. The burning desire consumed me day and night. I simply could not rest until it tickled my tingling skin. You know what they say…a little colour never killed nobody. It has come close multiple times…but never really succeeded.

Unfortunately, with a price tag of $88 (excluding shipping charges), this glorious sweater was simply out of my reach. My dreams were shattered. That is…until now.

Yes, my pretties…I TOO NOW POSSESS THE CRAYOLA SWEATER. I TOO NOW LOOK LIKE A MORBIDLY TOO-COOL-FOR-SMILES UNIF MODEL.

Mirror cameo from mi madre…

Well. Close enough.

Naturally, I had an innate desire to Goth-up this little rainbow number for fear of leaving the house resembling one of the school children from Matilda (1996). A grey woollen turtleneck, some leather-look skinnies and a pair of Oxblood Dr. Martens later and HEY PRESTO…I still looked like one of the school children from Matilda but I felt pretty hella rad. So I simply had to share my joy with the readers of my bloggy-wog. I would like to thank the Academy for allowing me the opportunity to buy this marvellous sweater, as well as the Urban Outfitters sale and my employee discount.

However, rather unfortunately for my purse, I now have the UNIF bug. I SIMPLY CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF THIS BRAND.

From the adorable Bound Creepers…

To the Poodle Moto coat…

And not to mention this Lydia Dress…

THEY EVEN DO TEENY-WEENY PUNKY CLOTHES FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE LIKE REAL HUMANS ONLY SMALLER.

Needless to say, I can practically hear the sobs of my poor purse crying from the depths of my handbag as I type. Ah well. As this insanely awesome UNIF t-shirt says…

Au revoir, me hearties!

-Niamhy xx

My January Lookbook!

For the past two weeks every time I closed my eyes in an attempt to drift off into The Land of Nod, I could hear a small distant voice crying out to me, “Come back…come back to me…” I have concluded that this little voice was that of this little bloggy-wog. Either that or I really need to make an appointment with a specialist.

Anyway…HONEYYYYY, I’M HOOOOOOOME!

So as a homecoming gift (please do detect the sarcasm in this statement), I decided I would entitle my blog to a little glimpse of the author. Aren’t you all lucky (once again: sarcasm)? Having attempted to take some time out each day whilst in London to capture a little snapshot of my outfit for that day, I have created an extremely amateur lookbook of what I wore over my birthday week, both in The Big Smoke and in the comfort of my beautiful wee Belfast. I hope you enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I have the oddest shaped legs known to man. Please, no hate.

OUTFIT ONE

Denim jacket: vintage

Charcoal turtleneck: Zara

Grey bobble sweatshirt: Topman

Leather-look skinny trousers: Topshop

Dr. Martens: Schuh

Early mornings, long delays in the airport and lengthy treks to find my apartment got me channeling my inner John Bender with a grungy, ‘rebellious teen’ look. Kinda smells like teen spirit to me.

OUTFIT TWO

Jumper dress: Urban Outfitters

Black turtleneck: H&M

Flecked tweed shorts (worn underneath: Topshop

Twelve solid hours of exploring the city COMPLETELY ON-FOOT had Niamhy feeling a bit worse-for-wear by about 10pm. Sleepy bunny. But I did get the ‘typical tourist’ photo I so desperately longed for. So it was all worth it. ONE OF THE BEST DAYS EVER.

The aforementioned tourist-y shot…

Coat: Urban Outfitters

Telephone box: property of London

OUTFIT THREE

I must admit, day three was my birthday and in my excitement of finally achieving my lifelong dream of witnessing The Phantom of the Opera on the Her Majesty’s Theatre stage, posy photos of my outfit were forgotten in an ecstatic, excited haze. But please enjoy this photo of me looking like a foetus-faced chubby cherub having a deranged fan-girl moment:

Dress: MINKPINK

OUTFIT FOUR

Black lace blouse: Urban Renewal

Bralet: Urban Outfitters

Satin palazzo pants: H&M

Boogie-boogie time for Niamhy back in beautiful, beautiful Belfast! And it wouldn’t be my birthday without an insane pair of shoes perfectly capable of causing a fatality…but don’t we love them?

Shoes: Privileged for Schuh

And just for you lovely readers, I have a before and after feature of me before I left the comfort of my home and a few hours later when I was considerably…ahem…happier. Here’s the before:

And…um…here’s the…eh…after. Let’s play a game of spot the difference, shall we? Pouts vs. smiles, anyone?

OUTFIT FIVE

Dress: Topshop (HOW ADORABLE IS THIS DRESS?)

Shoes: Schuh

It is tradition for my mother and I to attend at least one ballet per year (me having been a ballet dancer for seven years) and this year was no exception. This is what I wore to a performance of The Nutcracker by the Russian State Ballet of Siberia at the Grand Opera House, Belfast. In an attempt to get the perfect shot of my outfit, I managed to take three standard photos, none of which equated to my idea of perfection…but here, have them anyway:

So basically…yeah. That’s y’all up-to-date with what I wore for an entire week in the month of January. Who knows…maybe this monthly lookbook idea will become a regular feature of the blog. Either that or I will die of embarrassment at having posted so many wannabe-model photos of myself on the internet and will never write an article on this blog (or any other form of social media, for that matter) ever again. Only time will tell.

-Niamhy xx

And The Award For The Most Historically Accurate Costume Design Goes To…

THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING.

Anyone who knows me will vouch for the fact that I can be quite the snob in regards to anachronisms of historical accuracy in films. Especially when those anachronisms arrive in the form of the costume design. There is nothing I detest more than a historically inaccurate costume. Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra, anyone? (Spot the girl who voluntarily did work experience aged sixteen as a fashion curator at a local museum).

SERIOUSLY?!

Therefore, I felt it was my duty to take to my little baby blog to congratulate the costume designers of The Theory of Everything for doing such an excellent job of…well…costume designing. I’m not entirely certain whether or not the clothes employed in the film were sourced vintage items or reproductions but either way BRAVO!

From Jane Wilde’s (Felicity Jones) adorable pale blue evening gown for the Cambridge May Ball…

To her pitch perfect wedding dress…

And everything in between and after…

Well, let’s just say this fashion history geek gained vast amusement from attempting to pinpoint the era each scene was focusing on based solely upon the costumes. Judge me. I don’t care. It all just adds up to a massive pat on the back and round of applause for the costume team.

If anyone hasn’t seen the film yet, I have just one question for you: WHY NOT?! Get your act together, guys! It is quite literally a masterpiece. I cried, I laughed, I cried some more, had a nosebleed, cried a bit more…stunning. Eddie Redmayne is absolutely astounding in his role as Stephen Hawking. And that isn’t even me just being biased because of my…ahem…appreciation of his talents. He has come a long, long way from Angel Clare of Emminster. I’m like a proud mother. Furthermore, Ms. Jones offers a heartbreaking portrayal of his hard-working wife. Once again, she has come a long, long way from the oh-so-naive Catherine Morland in Northanger Abbey. (Why must everything I speak of revert back to period dramas?) So seriously, I don’t understand why you’re still reading this post-GET THEE TO A CINEMA!

I’ll finish up by sending a gargantuan GOOD LUCK to all those involved at the Golden Globes. C’MON, THE REDMAYNE! AND THE JONES!

-Niamhy xx

Saturday Sock-Hops With HPF!

The first official sock-up of 2015! CAN I GET A “HELL YEAH”?!

It was a fight to the death in my mind between Mazzy Star’s ‘Fade Into You’ and Nina Simone’s ‘I Put A Spell On You’.

‘Twas a fine competition.

But Mazzy won the mental conflict by a hair’s breath.

Enjoy, lovely peeps! May Hope Sandoval serve you well as the perfect style icon for the long, long, long year ahead. I wish I could wear braids in my hair…and I’ve got to get my hands on a sheer top with thumb cutouts like that…

PS-how rad is that guitarist? The one with the black, flowing waves of hair cascading over his chiselled face? Gentlemen, he can be your style icon of 2015. You should all take a leaf out of his book. Or a few leaves.

-Niamhy xx

Welcome Back, Wonderland LA!

The moment I birthed this baby of mine (I’m speaking of this blog, obviously), I have been dying to write a blog post about Wonderland LA. Numerous times I have gone to compose an article about this emporium only to come across an insurmountable hurdle; that of the temporary closure of the online store as a result of a mysterious fire in what I may wrongly recall as being the shop stockroom? Or am I confusing this with ASOSgate? Hmmm…

Either way, some brand of incendiary has prohibited me from proceeding with this blog post.

UNTIL NOW.

This store is a treasure trove of dark delights. Stocking men and women’s clothing, accessories, housewares and beauty products (including official High Voltage Tattoo merchandise), all items are sourced and chosen by Kat Von D herself and you can certainly see why! From the disturbing to the beautiful, this shop is the perfect haven for lovers of the Gothic and the unusual. And the prices aren’t too scary either.

The main woman herself…

So, in true High Priestess Fashion style, allow me to outline for you my top picks from the collection which I am desperate to have in my wardrobe and that I think you should be craving too. Who knows, I might even throw in a couple of non-clothing items…gasp…variety is the spice of life after all. The excitement is all too much for me.

THE CLOTHES

1) Lynch Tank Dress

If there is one face I want to be walking around wearing on my body, it is David Lynch’s. I positively idolise the guy and everything he lays his distinctive finger upon. Team this tank dress with an oversized plaid shirt, a pair of fishnets and some oxblood Dr. Martens and you are surely onto a casual winner.

2) Magik Top 

I can only assume that wearing this top would feel like bathing your body in a mixture of warm butter and honey. And hello, velvet? Who can say no to a spot of velvet? Dress this up with a high-neck white silk blouse with billowing sleeves and a PVC pencil skirt. Victoriana chic with a modern twist. Bingo.

3) Morrissey Bodysuit

Okay, maybe there are TWO faces which I would happily have on my body. MORRISSEY. ON A BODYSUIT. WHAT IS NOT TO LOVE? Armed and ready for action.

4) Nightplay Bustier Dress

Always wanted to look like the perfect vamp-ish pinup, but never know how to do it? All you need is this dress. Literally. That is it. This dress could make the most conservative, plainest of Janes look like a provocative queen. I need this ASAP.

5) Poe T-Shirt

This unisex tee is simple but effective. Big ol’ Edgar’s face on the front accompanied by an eye-test of his glorious words on the back. All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream…love, love, love!

THE ACCESSORIES

1) Wanderlust Oxford Heels

The epitome of the ‘killer heel’. These shoes certainly were not made for walking. Strictly car-to-bar stilettos. But what the heck, treat your feet, girl!

2) Tooled Leather Violin-Muse Belt

This belt is enough to bring tears of joy and amazement to the eyes of any classical music fans. It is literally a masterpiece of true artistry. A work of genius. I can’t believe I never thought of it before. This is the only belt one could ever need. Downright stunning.

3) Vampire Princess Nail Rings

These nail rings are the perfect touch of bling. I’ve always wanted to be a vampire princess…and now with these nail rings, I well and truly can! You can tell admirers that those are the blood droplets of your enemies you keep as mementos…just to REALLY creep them out. MWAHAHAHAHA!

HOME DECOR

1) The Vendetta Garden Gnome

Seriously, how cute is this little guy? I genuinely cannot cope with how adorable he is. LOOK AT HIS CREEPY LITTLE FACE. I’m done. I am so done.

2) Black Pre-Dripped Pillar Candle

Anyone who has ever been lucky enough to enter my family home will vouch for the fact that the females in this household have a mild obsession with candles. And nothing screams ambiance quite like a black pre-dripped candle. If there is one thing I need in my life, it is this candle. Just as long as a virgin doesn’t light it. Wouldn’t want to be summoning any Sanderson Sisters now…or would we?

Last but not least, Wonderland LA is also the main stockist of Kat Von D’s make-up brand, Sephora…but more about that in a blog post in the very near future. For now, it’s an adios from me. And I suppose I better wish you all a happy new year so…happy new year!

-Niamhy xx

Let’s Talk About THAT Dior Ad…

Could this be Dior’s greatest marketing ploy to date?

You know the name.

You know the face.

You know the song.

And now you know the brand and its product.

Congratulations, Dior. A gold star for effort and buckets of gold reserves in the bank as a result of this masterpiece of advertising.

I must not tell a lie; I was making my Sunday commute to work when my mother sent me a frantic, hysterical text message excitedly telling me of how she had just witnessed this advert for the first time way, way back in that glorious month of August. And do you know what was the most astonishing aspect of this tale? Mi madre was able to recall EVERY SINGLE MINUSCULE DETAIL about this two minutes of sheer brilliance. This is from a woman who constantly walks into rooms and forgets why she is even there to begin with. That’s how you know you’ve done a commendable job of advertising.

I must not tell another lie; as soon as I read my mother’s (rather hilarious) texts, I immediately made a pit-stop at YouTube and went on the search for the Holy Grail of advertising. And this one minute forty-five second advert turned into fifteen minutes of ogling the startlingly handsome Mr. Pattinson.

From the very first glimpse of his casual lounging on a rooftop in the blazing sun to that final smouldering glare into my soul, I was sold. And don’t even get me started on the smoking (fully-dressed) in the bathtub. By gad. Gee golly. Holy heart failure, Batman! A round of applause to the stylists on the set, without whom none of this seething gorgeousness would undeniably be possible. Mod suits galore!

But of course, this advertisement would not be so brilliant without the magnificent song styling of Led Zeppelin and the fabulously rocking ‘Whole Lotta Love’. It just completes the package in a way that no other song ever could. Perfection, perfection, perfection.

To conclude, I want to address all the men of the world and say…go out and purchase some Dior Homme. If it makes you even half as alluring as Sir Pattinson, it will be money well spent.

-Niamhy xx

The Perfect Ten: The Ten Most Beautifully Flawless Women To Ever Grace This Planet…

…that is, in the humble opinion of The High Priestess.

Ladies and gentlemen, behold the icons of my idolatry. Darwin’s fittest females in accordance with the evolution of mankind. My Perfect Ten. It is time to unleash the green-eyed monster.

10) Edie Sedgwick

Andy Warhol’s muse and the only person who can wear those disgustingly extravagant earrings and not look like Pat Butcher (she somehow makes those mini-chandeliers look like the epitome of elegance): the glorious Ms. Sedgwick. Unfortunately, the wildness of the era and the whirlwind world of fast-paced youth got the better of our Edie and she sadly passed at the tender age of 28 in 1971. However, her memory lives on in the multitudes of stunning photographs of the superstar, Warhol’s films and Leddra Chapman’s haunting ode ‘Edie’ (please excuse the dodgy video). Long live the It Girl.

9) Siouxsie Sioux

The lead singer of Siouxsie and the Banshees, many (including myself) would claim that Siouxsie Sioux is the ultimate Queen of the Trad Goths…for obvious reasons. The androgynous style, the raven’s nest hair, the dramatic eye make-up; Siouxsie has it all, not to mention her stellar music! It’s official. Siouxsie is the perfect Gothic package.

(Excuse the profanity…you have been warned.)

8) Agyness Deyn

At one point in every girl’s life, she will lay eyes upon the one woman she aspires to look like. Her true style icon. For me, that woman is Agyness Deyn. I dare say anyone who knows me well would be willing to stand up in a court of law and proclaim that my obsession with Agy is unhealthy. Every night I pray that I wake up the next morning looking like her. She is the definition of flawless. I cannot even convey how much I want to be her. It’s not fair. Life is just not fair.

7) Annie Lennox

Is it becoming pretty evident that I have a mild infatuation with buzzcuts? Considering I often get called ‘Mini Annie Lennox’ by my colleagues, it would be completely unfathomable for me to exclude the gorgeous Annie from my list. As if her fashion sense (THOSE SUITS!), cracking hairstyles and angelic voice wasn’t enough to make you jealous, she has the personality of a saint and a delightful Scottish brogue. I love her. Especially in this music video.

6) Kat Von D

She is the woman who worked wonders for inked ladies all over the world, highlighting the power and beauty of tattooing and encouraging everyone to embrace their bodies as a human canvas. Not only is Kat Von D a magician with a needle and ink, she also has a killer fashion line (which I plan on doing a blog post on once the online shop is up and running again following a devastating fire) and a fabulous Gothic make-up range. With talents galore, it is impossible not to adore this masterpiece of a woman.

5) Twiggy

The Bambi eyes. The boyish figure. The pixie cut. The button nose. The pouting lips. Twiggy is my vision of idealistic beauty. She is the woman who made me fall in love with vintage fashion many, many moons ago and for that I am truly thankful. Thank you, Twiggy. I owe you big time.

4) Kate Bush

As if having outrageously brilliant talents for choreography, singing and song-writing isn’t enough, Kate Bush just had to throw in the fact that she is stunningly gorgeous and can work a tweed suit better than any Fleet Street businessman or Oxford English Literature lecturer ever could. She is also insanely intelligent and isn’t afraid to make controversial political statements (Army Dreamers, anyone?). In your face, Patriarchy. IN. YOUR. FACE. Altogether now: I’M COMING BACK NOW, CRUEL HEATHCLIFF, MY ONE DREAM, MY ONLY MAAAAAASTER!

3) Florence Welch

I fondly recall summer 2010 as the summer my best friend and I officially became infatuated with Florence + The Machine’s album Lungs. That was the beginning of our ongoing adoration of Ms. Welch. No matter what she is wearing, be it an ethereal evening gown or a suit made from what resembles cheap wallpaper from the 1980s, the lady never seems to put a fashionable foot out of place. And speaking of feet…Florence’s perfectly pedicured tootsies are also things to be envied. Yes. She is so immaculate that even HER FEET are perfect. Ugh. And if this song doesn’t make you shed the tears of a thousand lonely sunsets, you have a heart of stone I tell you.

2) Stevie Nicks

The White Witch herself. Stevie is just completely magical. Mystical. Spellbinding. It cannot be denied that the blood that courses through her veins sparkles with stardust. If you have ever travelled through the countryside of Ireland via train, listening to Stevie’s haunting vocals whilst the rain sends floods of teardrops cascading down the window pane, you will understand the power of this woman’s soul. It is to Nicks that I owe the deepest gratitude for encouraging me to embrace the fantastical world of the paranormal, the tarot…all things dark and enchanting. Thank you, beautiful, beautiful woman. You allowed me to be who I am.

1) Dita Von Teese

Um. Yeah. I don’t think I need to go into detail here. I think we all know. There is no need. Dita Von Teese. My sin. My soul. Oh, Dita, do me a favour and lend me your coat. I swear I’ll give it back. I promise.

So, if you haven’t all drifted into the Land of Nod having been completely bored to death by my nonsensical ravings, I thank you for your attention and your patience. Now, leave me to wallow in self-pity, self-loathing and jealousy. It’s going to take me a little while to get over this post. Too much perfection. Too much envy.

The green-eyed monster, over and out.

-Niamhy xx